September 2002 edition
A different viewpoint
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Administration Solves Both Parking Deck and Student Housing Problems

University officials solved two problems at once with the announcement that unsold spaces in the new parking deck will be used for student housing. "Hey, you can put a tent in a parking space for only $500 per year!" said Anita Space, Associate Vice Chancellor of the new Student Housing In Tents program. Space pointed out that with a small tent and compact vehicle you will have parking and housing in one deal. Even after that move there will be about a hundred unsold slots. Officials are considering converting that area to a single large spot renting for $50,000. "That we we need to rent only one more spot," noted Space.

Gee, shouldn't that read "maximum"?

Image of a standard parakeet
Administration creates Vice Chancellor of Parakeets

ASU announced the creation of yet another administrative position--Vice Chancellor of Parakeets. Officials indicated that the parakeets are an under-represented group on campus and efforts must be taken to increase their numbers, even if there is no natural inclination for them to want to come here. "Studies have shown that a more diverse bird population will mean that we have more different kinds of birds," says Vice Chancellor of Creating More Vice Chancellors Amanda Reconwith.

Of course, the new office will have several Associate and Assistant VC's and secretaries, and a palatial office.

Asked to comment on the new effort, the bird shown at right agreed. "Chirp, chirp, tweet, warble, warble, warble," said Ima Bird.

Visual Arts Center Budget Does Not Worry Officials
Visual Arts Center

The sign says "Grand Opening May 2003" --let's hope so! This project started with a million dollar gift but has ballooned to enormous proportions. With a doubling time of about a year the budget is now over 11 million dollars. At this pace only a few more years and it will consume the entire ASU budget.

Vice Chancellor of Art Centers and Museums Arthur Vanderwalls says not to worry. "If we have to use all the Foundation resources to complete it that's the way it goes."

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