March 8, 2005
site best viewed with Internet Explorer since, like most of
the University, I have sold out to Microsoft
ASU buys Boone
Chancellor Ken Peacock announced this week that Appalachian State
has purchased the entire town of Boone.
"We needed room to expand, plus this gives us more flood plain
to build in." The closing price will be approximately $1 billion
and will be financed by student fees. "An added benefit will
be that it will end the historic town/gown problem since, well,
we will be the town."
by Marie Freeman. Used with permission.
Creates Rival to NYC Central Park Art
will not be outdone by New York's Gates
art done by Christo. Passersby walking above the CAP building may
have thought that the series of plastic barriers was just for abatement
of erosion caused by students taking a shortcut, but it is actually
an outdoor sculpture. Titled "Gaits," it both "creates
a feeling of a series of black impediments to progress in life"
as well as slows the gaits of students coming down from the dorms.
the NYC piece was done by Christo and Jeanne-Claude,the ASU piece
was done by Kristo, the Discount Artist, and Clod Robbings.
Chancellor of Campus Constriction, Clod Robbings, said that it further
delays the expensive construction of a sidewalk. "We cannot
have a sidewalk that actually goes where people walk," he said.
"We must continue to try to force students to walk where we
want them to walk."
Arts and Sciences
Creates new Impediment to Grant Proposal Writing
of Arts and Sciences has created a new layer of bureaucracy between
faculty writing grant proposals and the funding agencies. "We
were worried that the Graduate School's Research and Grants office
was not doing enough to slow the process," said Grant Holdup,
the new grants coordinator. "Plus, we want more interdisciplinary
grant proposals, whether the faculty want to write them or not."
Asked about his experience in getting grants he said "I've
read about getting them, so I know how to slow down the process."
apologies to Scott Adams...
and staff recently received a mysterious email with the subject
line "Secual Assaults." The crack staff at the Seen
have solved the mystery after noting the simultaneous appearance
of religious tracts left in the CAP science building.
subject line was supposed to read "Secular Assaults,"
in reference to the spreading of left-wing secular humanism on campus,
especially among the heathen science faculty. The University has
contracted with Dr.
G. C. Jackson to combat this trend by spreading his pamphlets
in which he explains all science in terms of creationism.
And, gosh, doesn't
that periodic table he is standing in front of give him that air
of scientific authority?
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